A Genuine Smile!!

My dwelling is around 15kms from my workplace. I prefer travelling in a tram to cover this distance. I remember the distance between my home (Mayur Vihar) and office (Gurgaon) in India was around 34 kms and I used to travel by office bus. The bus used to be warm and cosy in winter mornings but in summers it was hot and sweaty. But climatic conditions never prevented me from taking a good forty minutes nap in the bus. It was part of my routine to sleep in the bus every day.  After coming to Melbourne I found my habits changing. Ideally, they were bound to change. The total time to reach office came down to 40 minutes. Moreover, the bus was replaced by a tram. Apart from this, there was another thing that always made me stay awake. Obviously, it was the crowd entering the tram at each station….especially the female crowd. The beauty of females here lies in the fact that usually they don’t take a shower in the morning. Well that doesn’t mean they stink around. They generally wear make-up and perfume that will simply blow your mind. The presence of males usually goes unnoticed by me. By the way, why should I bother about males? The best part about Australians is that they believe in exchanging smiles at all times. Be it at the tram door, work area, office kitchen, restaurants, parks, roads etc. It feels good to start a day with beautiful smiles.

The exchange of smiles and glares continued for some time. It made me realize how happy and satisfied people here are.  With such feelings and thoughts I was travelling in the tram on a certain Friday. The trip kick started on a good note since I boarded the tram at the right time. I could find a lot of familiar faces in the tram. As usual I chose to sit on the second last seat since that is the place which helps me see maximum number of travelers in the tram. The music I was listening to was light and the weather was good. I was enjoying the trip until I saw a girl sitting and crying on the seat next to mine.  She was upset about something. I could not tdivert my attention from the girl; however I made sure that she did not notice me watching her continuously. The girl kept crying till I got down from the tram. No one, including the people who used to talk to her, in the jam packed tram was bothered. It felt like I was sitting amongst mannequins in a showroom. I could feel a sense of ignorance. The reason behind the girl’s tears is still a mystery to me. But I still wonder why was she crying in a place that I thought was full of smiles and happiness.

There was another incident that made me exert my grey cells. I was going back home from the city on a weekend when I saw a lady sitting & crying in a corner of a train. She was wearing a jacket with “MetLink” embroidered on it. I could make out that she was from the public transport department. She got down at a major station and entered a signal room situated on the same platform. It  was apparent that she was going to work in the evening shift. I could not understand why she was crying like a child and that too while going to work. I have only seen kids crying on their first day to school but adults crying on their way to office was a novelty to me.

Well, a couple of people crying do not necessarily portray the prosperity of a nation. But for a person like me, who had already concluded on the happiness of the people around, it was a bit difficult to swallow what I had seen. Different situations give different outlooks to an observation. The smiles, perfumes and make-up were no longer under my set of observations. I changed the way I used to observe things around me. I talked to many people. I started with the place I was staying. My landlady, about fifty years old, had been the occupant of the house that we stayed in for the past ten years. I asked her about her parents and family and how often she called them or met them. I asked her what she did the whole day and what her schedule was on weekends. Unfortunately, the answer to all my questions was not as expected by me. The fact that Australian culture is different from Indian was always known to me but it was then that I started realizing the extent of disparity. In fact Australian culture is totally opposite of Indian culture. To my surprise my landlady visited her parents only once in a year. That was enough for her to keep the strings of relationship alive between her and her family.  Her parents were divorced and she preferred visiting her mother. When in Melbourne she preferred staying at home most of the times.  She spent most of her time surfing the internet and alcohol was part of her routine diet. She was single and said that she did not find the right person to spend her life with. I found this somewhat correct. If you have not found the right person then probably it is not advisable to force yourself into getting married. This is quite in contrast to our country where a girl crossing the age of 25 becomes a reason for depression of her parents. However, her schedule sounded dull to me. Probably I would never follow such a schedule. But then her lifestyle could be attributed to her age.

Sometime later, a few people from my office and I decided to take a walk in a park outside our office. We were sitting on a bench and having a good time together when an old lady approached us and said “You people look so happy, are you all from India?” I was surprised. I didn’t have the answer to the first part of her question but I did have an answer to the second part of her question. “Of course, we all are from India” I said. She blessed us and we continued with our conversation. The lady must have been an octogenarian. Even though we continued talking, my mind was still fighting with the words the lady said. Was she not happy or is it that she rarely sees such a group chit chatting with each other.

Pets are a favourite with almost all the people in Australia. Actually, Australia is a pet friendly nation. You’ll find different breeds of dogs with different hair styles on the street. Just like individuals, the pets here are highly civilized. In the past seven months of my stay in Australia I have never seen a dog barking unnecessarily. They usually loiter around their masters in the most disciplined manner. Initially I thought that keeping pets at home was a general trend here. However, later I realized that the reason for keeping pets was different. Actually pets are the best replacement for humans here. This thought surprised me thoroughly. Nonetheless, it is true. Children mostly stay with their parents for a limited years. Once adults, they believe in settling down independently. Kids above 16 years of age work part time to earn money and fulfill their expenses. However, on getting a permanent opportunity they simply move to a new place away from their parents. Hence the scenario wherein children and their parents are staying in the same city but in different houses is very common. Ultimately, the parents who are left alone raise pets to make up for their loneliness. Similarly children, after settling in their career, if not staying with partners, raise pets to avoid loneliness. However both, children and their parents, fail to understand the fact that they can stay together and help each other. Pets are just like human beings when it comes to affection but they are also very different from humans in that they do not have demands and complaints in spite of their affection. They neither instruct you nor advise you with regard to anything. I learnt that probably the demands and complaints of human beings deter them from staying together.

 

Few days back I saw a happy looking couple eating their lunch in a restaurant and their own kid crying in a pram parked next to them. A similar scenario in India would have been dealt differently. The mother would have never eaten her food until the baby stopped crying. I agree that a little ignorance at times may lead to better upbringing of a child. However, if ignored completely, the same child starts becoming emotionally blank after some time. In Australia, the amount of care and love that a child receives is precise and calculated. The parents make sure that the child does not get over pampered. On the other hand, Australia is a country where even kids have been protected by law and order. Parents are not allowed to hit their children. This is actually good and worth appreciating. But then, unfortunately, the law does not restrict the child from speaking rubbish in front of his parents. Children here use statements like “Do whatever you want to, I don’t care” for their parents. At instances they even abuse their parents on their face. I feel that such kind of an environment takes away all the emotions from the parent child relationship. I discussed this scenario with one of my philosopher friends here in Melbourne. He associated this with the growth and development of the nation. As per his understanding, a strong emotional bond between two individuals can hamper the growth in their careers. For example a kid closer to his family may never go out and work in some other state even though he gets a better opportunity there. Hence for them it is very important not to get emotionally attached to anyone. The explanation of the philosopher always forced me to think and re think on his opinion. Is it actually necessary to bury emotions just for the sake of growth and prosperity? Are those people who are emotionally attached to their families incapable of prosperity or of staying independently when need be?  Mothers here are no different from the ones we have in our nation. They always want to raise their kids in the best possible manner. However, the only difference is that with the growing age of the child, the emotional bond between the mother and the child starts decreasing and I still cannot figure out the reason for this. It may be that the affection of parents stays the same for their kids but somehow they make themselves understand the fact that in return they cannot expect anything from their kids.

After capturing so many thoughts through different instances, my outlook totally changed towards the people here. I started believing that they are actually a bunch of objects who just know how to pretend happiness. Right from the beginning they are taught to be good and to fake smiles. In reality, they are simply blank from inside. I realized that having no bonds with family just drains the energy out of you. I realized that having no respect for relationships leads to lack of emotions in an individual. People here believe in staying with their partners just because of the fact that they don’t want to take responsibilities that a marriage may impose on them.

In my country children are raised with utmost love and affection. A child always remains the responsibility of his/ her mother till she departs from the world. Fathers are always the pillar of the family. I feel proud when I think about our culture. Each time I go back home, the love and affection I receive from my family is incomparable. Majority of people here do not know the real meaning of happiness. They are just artificially raised and nurtured. They can never understand the warmth of a mother’s hand when it passes through her child’s hair. They can never understand the importance of a hug that you receive from your father on meeting him after months. They can never understand the importance of a sister’s love when she keeps calling and bothering you with her stupid questions. Prosperity actually comprises of such values and affection. For them it is just growth and development. For them it is just about their own life. Rest is all immaterial. If I now look at any person in the tram, all I notice is a blank face with no expressions. The smiles I receive now show me the underlying emptiness in an individual. We are not pre-programmed devices. We are human beings who create their own set of rules on the sands of time.

It is now that I have realized that my nation has  this unique culture which nurtures in us a sense of emotional bonding and responsibility and this sets us apart from all other cultures. No matter what people from the outside world say, we inculcate the feeling of belonging amongst individuals. Yes we talk too much but then that is either to discuss sorrows or to spread joy. They may call us interfering but that interference is unconditional and purely for each other. We may not be developing at a fast rate but all I am sure about is that we are growing with the culture we have been born and raised in. No matter how high and how far we go in the future, a blend of modernity, respect and values will always stay embedded in us. I still take the same trams and walk on the same roads with a smile that is actually genuine because I was never taught to smile, I just inherited it from my culture.